What to Do

With the Mother of the Bride looking after the bride and the Best Man taking care of the groom, you may be wondering what your role is on this special day. Well first of all your role should be an easy one. With the rest of the wedding party giving specific jobs you may find that you have plenty of spare time on your hands.

If you're thinking 'Great! I haven't been given any jobs to do!' then don't hold your breath for long. As the wedding fast approaches there are bound to be things in the planning that have been overlooked and you're likely to be contacted to help get things back on track quickly. So far you would have been the person still 'available' and so you'll also be one of the first people that springs to mind that has time to 'fix' things.

Also whilst you may be thinking that the lack of responsibilities leaves you to enjoy the day completely at leisure, that is also only partly true. You will of course be jointly responsible for welcoming your new extended family, introducing the two family sides, partaking in photos, possibly dining at the top table (depending on the seating plans decided by the newly married couple) and possibly being toasted to in the speeches. Of course if all of that seems a breeze to you then you certainly do have the day at leisure already. 

If however you're thinking 'Why haven't I been given anything to do?' then as mentioned above - don't hold your breath for long as jobs are likely to come up.

Now...not all mother-in-laws-to-be have a perfect relationship with their son's chosen lady. This can be for a multitude of reasons and can range from anything such as a personality dislike to an extremely mild observation that your future daughter-in-law is naturally close to her own birth mother/sisters/aunt/etc. A common issue for the mother of the groom is wanting to be a planned part of the big day but do not know quite how to articulate or suggest this particular idea. Here we have a few ideas and tips of how to become involved.

 

1) Don't interfere. Whilst your son and his fiance are getting married, it's mostly 'her day'. She will be the one to pick most aspects of the day, including any part that you play.

2) Don't quiz your son too much about the wedding. Instead build up a supportive rapport with your future daughter-in-law which will help communicate your interest in the wedding with her directly. You could make a first step by simply saying to her "I hope the wedding planning is going well. What good ideas have you seen so far?". Asking in this way avoids a yes/no answer.

3) Don't give any of your ideas unless she asks you. Stating all the things that you like (even if you're trying to be helpful) will either make her feel obliged to have a wedding based on your ideas (especially if you have contributed financially to it) or stop her sharing her ideas with you in case you don't like them. Well that is the most likely outcome, unless of course she loves all of your ideas.....really......that's not very likely. We all have our own opinions and tastes.

4) You can try to offer help in preparing something for the wedding, but if you do, make sure you're VERY good at what you're offering. At a recent wedding the brides own mother offered to make the wedding cake. Whilst she can make family birthday cakes, a special wedding cake was not her forte and it unfortunately looked all the more amature in the posh wedding setting that had been decorated by professionals. 

You can always opt for safer ways of assisting, such as ordering the wedding stationary once the bride and groom have chosen their design and wording. Or ordering the wedding cake or wedding favours, again once the bride and groom have chosen what they like. Don't offer too much assistance as this could be seen as interfering. Just offer one or two thing

5) Think about whether there is something really nice or special that you have which she could borrow for the wedding day (Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue). Some jewellery that compliments her dress? 

6) If you can't think of something for step 5 or she already has something borrowed, ask her if there is something that she'd like and you could buy those - her shoes or perfume for example.

7) Ask your son and daughter if they would like help setting up the venue. 

8) If there is time and you're prepared to do it, consider holding a low-key pre-wedding party or dinner. You could have a barbeque, meal or drinks a couple of weeks before with close family or yours and close family of hers. Alternatively you could organise a gathering the night before the wedding for your family only (and your son if he's not busy elsewhere) to kick off the wedding celebrations, especially if some have travelled quite far. This will give you something central to enjoy doing as part of the wedding celebrations. Just make sure the party is kept low key, relaxed and does go on too late or with too much alcohol - you don't want to spoil the wedding day itself.